Reports of Sexual Abuse in Childcare Settings
A recent headline in Ottawa, Canada reads: “Child sex abuse allegation being investigated at city care centre”
This headline throws most adults into a state of disbelief that anyone could do this to a child. For parents and caregivers, it also causes fear. For those whose children attend the care centre in question , all of this plus anger, panic, and self-doubt.
Questions swirl around like ‘How did this happen? Who can we trust? Where are children safe? What can I possibly do now? I need to work – how can I be sure my children will be safe when I leave them for the day?’
There are no easy answers to any of this, and I am sorry. I wish more than anything that this didn’t happen to any child, at any time. Sadly, it does and far more often than most people know.
I am an adult who was sexually abused starting from the age of 5 and from my personal experience, I find the most helpful thing is to look for solutions. It helps bring back some feeling of control when your world is seemingly falling apart. There is power in taking a stand and doing something. It may not feel comfortable, but doing the right thing is rarely easy. For the sake of all children, everywhere, here are some things you can do right now.
1) Sadly, organizations that serve children/youth are going to be attractive to those who seek to abuse them and so ask how they screen both staff and volunteers.
Here is what you would like to hear back:
Reference checks. There should be at least 3 and the reference checks ought to include questions about how the person interacts with children, were there any ‘red flags’, was there anything about their behaviour that seemed questionable. Explain the role the person is being considered for and see how they respond.
Criminal Background/vulnerable safety checks. Many seem to feel comfortable with this as the one and only factor. The problem is that these only show something that a person has been charged and convicted of, and only in the province where the check is being conducted. It does not account for anything in another province, territory, country.
2) Policies and Procedures
What are staff instructed to do if they suspect or get a report of potential abuse? Is there an actual policy in place with procedures? What you want is knowledge that every single person in that organization knows that they are a mandated reporter. There is no ‘hierarchy’ – no ‘chain of command’. Do they have a policy that prevents having one child alone with one adult?
3) Code of Conduct
Is there a code of conduct for staff and volunteers? Is it posted? Is it followed? Does it include specific language around the protection of children from sexual abuse?
3) Training
Has everyone in the organization been trained on how to recognize potential sexual abuse, what to do if they suspect abuse, and how to respond to a disclosure from a child? The best possible answer is yes AND it is ongoing – every person gets trained specifically on how to prevent child sexual abuse.
4) Talk about it
Yes, it is an uncomfortable topic, but we must normalize the conversation. Learning about the issue and talking about it really does make sexual predators think twice. Silence only serves those who would do harm. Talk about solutions and how your circle of trusted adults can make a difference
5) Teach your child about body safety and consent
Refrain from using ‘good touch/bad touch’ language. Humans are biologically wired to respond to sexual touch and so that can be a confusing message. Tell your child that no one can touch them ANYWHERE without their consent. And please - stop forcing them to hug/kiss auntie or uncle or anyone. If they don’t want to that’s their choice.
Teach them the proper names of their body parts. This is particularly important for any disclosure as ‘cute names’ may not register with another person. Penis, vulva, vagina – all are proper words that can be taught just like eyes, ears, mouth and nose.
A quick note about private daycare.
You should be able to drop in at any time to see your child.
The caregiver is the only one who is to care for your child. Not their spouse, not their older child, not a ‘friend’. If they have an appointment and need to be absent they must inform you and let you know exactly who is caring for your child in their absence. You can then make an informed decision.
Final thoughts - disclosure
One more word of advice. If your child discloses to you do NOT react and say you are going to ‘get that person and harm them’ etc etc. Naturally, that is what you will be screaming inside and wanting to do but that will just scare your child. They will feel that they did something wrong.
Your response should be to let them know they are safe and loved. Say something like ‘Thank you for telling me this, you did the right by coming to me. I believe you and I am going to take care of you.” Don’t make any false promises like ‘he will go to jail’. You don’t know that. Focus only on your child and wait to have your freakout when they aren’t around. And you will. It’s horrible but……
Please know that it is not your fault this happened. You and your child will get through this. There is help available.
Here’s a link to some great resources about body safety and so much more from The Mama Bear Effect.
Local resources for help
CHEO Sexual Assault/Abuse Care Program
613-737-7600 x2939 or email SACareFacilitator@cheo.on.ca.
YSB's 24/7 Crisis Line
613-260-2360
877-377-7775
Mental Health Services 613-562-3004
crisis@ysb.on.ca
Kids Help Phone
800-668-6868
Need help right now? Text CONNECT to 686868 to chat with a volunteer Crisis Responder 24/7
Child, Youth and Family Crisis Line for Eastern Ontario
613-260-2360
877-377-7775
~ Cynthia Bland, Founder and CEO of Voice Found
